Finding My Blueprint

This blog post is dedicated to Tanya Manzon and Sachiyo Ichimura, two of my greatest mentors, and forever friends. These women helped illuminate my path and helped me to realize that what I had been searching for was staring at me in the mirror all along.

After my experience with past-life regression, I took a break from all things spiritual. Suddenly, I started to have panic attacks every other day and my anxiety was at an all time high. It wasn’t something I was used to, and I blamed it on the fact that I had opened a portal that I might never be able to shut. I had forced myself to face parts of myself that perhaps I wasn’t yet ready to heal. In hindsight, I just needed to purge the things that were weighing me down so that I could level up. Spirituality isn’t linear. It’s not always meditation and card pulls. You can take breaks! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t. Life is a journey, and we won’t always be perfect. We’re all just trying to figure it out. It took me a while to get back into it, but eventually I couldn’t ignore the call any longer. There were some things only spirituality could answer.

I’ve always had this feeling that there was somewhere I had to journey toward, but the path had never been clear. As a result, I was paused, suspended in time, waiting for something, or yet, someone.

Now that I had become a believer in all things spiritual, I took the time to reevaluate my life through a different lens. One thing that came to mind was a reoccurring dream that had been making an appearance since I was young. In this dream, there was a man, but I could never see his face. On a soul level I started to realize that this faceless man in my dreams was literally the man of my dreams. All I had to do was find him. The one problem was that I knew nothing about him.

This is where things got interesting. From there on out, anytime I had a decent connection with a new man, I wondered if it was the man from my dreams. In order to figure this out, I did what any kinda witchy girl would do; I turned to my tarot cards. If I had questions, I asked the cards. If I had doubts, I asked the cards. The tricky thing about tarot cards is that it is extremely difficult to read for yourself. What I hadn’t factored in was that the cards weren’t meant to help me. They would lead me to help others, which in this moment was of no help to me - I was too focused on finding my dream man. When I realized I couldn’t read for myself, I turned to the experts. It was around this time that I would also discover Reiki. I thought if I could unblock my heart chakra, I would find who I was looking for.

Within the span of a few months, or less, I would meet two Reiki Masters that would help me unlock the parts of myself that had been hidden. This would change the trajectory of my whole life. Change isn’t even the right word; it was a transformation. To be honest, I’m not sure my words could ever do them justice.

I met Sach because my sister won a session with her. In that session, she told my sister that I needed to go see her. How could I say no? She had picked up on my energy, and I wasn’t even there. Something told me to run. I’m pretty sure I took her next available appointment.

I connected to Tanya through Instagram. Something about her energy just drew me in. She also specialized in working with empaths. A word that I had just recently realized really defined me. I poked around her profile for a few months before taking the plunge and booking with her. At this point, I had a better understanding of my soul, and where it was nudging me to go.

What I learned from these two women was what I know to be the truest of truths; I am a healer. There was a reason everyone turned to me for advice, and there were ways I could help them without draining all of my own energy. Tanya and Sach would, and still do, help me to navigate and find the right balance in all of it. The greatest gift I received was the realization that all of the actions I was taking in the hopes of finding my dream man, were actually leading me back home to myself. This was what my soul had been yearning to find - my calling and purpose. These two powerful women helped me to find my own inner power and I now held the key and the map that I had been desperately searching for. This was my journey and I was all in. It was at this time that I met the greatest love of my life; it was me.

Today, I can say with certainty that the man of my dreams is out there somewhere, but I don’t have to go looking for him. I can attract him.